


Without A Word

by KurtsAnatomy (TheSwanOfWinterfell)



Category: Glee, Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, M/M, No Bella, Orphan Kurt, Past Character Death, Violence, suicide triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:13:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwanOfWinterfell/pseuds/KurtsAnatomy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Cullen hates being a vampire. So much that he's willing to end his afterlife early. Ready to die, again, he stops when a beautiful boy with a smart mouth changes his life through an encounter neither of them will ever forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attempts

If there is one thing that I truly hate, it is being a vampire.

A soulless monster, created to purge humanity of its population merely so that people like me could survive. Elusive, enticing predators that shaped their personalities and appearances during the transition just so people would be drawn in. All so their blood could be taken from them.

This is the prime reason why I have never taken much comfort in the idea of religion. Why would an omnipresent deity do such a heinous thing to mankind? To challenge them? I don’t really think that was the goal of humanity, honestly.

I know that Carlisle, my father for all intents and purposes, changed me because he truly had no other alternative in his quest to keep me alive. In some ways, I know that his intentions were mildly selfish; so that he would not be lonely anymore and that company would be eternal.

But now Carlisle has a larger family than he anticipated. There’s Esme, his loving wife. She was committing suicide after losing her only child. Died at childbirth, or so they said. Esme confesses to this day that she doesn’t believe them. Even still, her transformation was the best thing that’s ever happened to Carlisle and to her. Now she has a bigger family to care for, all that had ever wanted in her human life. There’s Alice, who doesn’t remember too much about her human life. It’s ironic because she can see glimpses of the future. Maybe the relinquishing of her past memories was recompense for such an extraordinary gift. There’s her husband, Jasper, who was a military soldier who helped to build an army of newborn vampires with his sire, Maria. The origins of his pathokinetic abilities are still somewhat of a mystery to me, though. There’s Rosalie, who was beaten and raped in the street by her drunken husband and his friends, being left to die in the middle of the night. Rosalie’s story is one that genuinely fills me with rage. Lastly, there’s Emmett who got into a fight with a particularly aggressive black bear that mauled him completely. Rosalie saved him and Carlisle turned him. Emmett is probably the person that I’m closest to out of all of my adoptive family.

He’s also the person I’m going to miss the most.

Before becoming a vampire, I had always been intrigued by the idea of suicide.

Not in a sense that I had considered it, but more that I had thought in depth about why people would do it. I had understood the feeling of having nothing or feeling alone. I still don’t. Mine is for a different reason. I simply don’t want to be this monster anymore. I don’t want to look in the mirror and see somebody who is constructed to kill. Built solely for the purpose of destroying a life.

So, instead, I’m going to destroy my own.

I approach the bridge, overlooking the rocky sea, and think for the one last time about everything I’m leaving behind. They have each other. They have their soulmates. I do not. I won’t be missed.

“Excuse me,” a voice behind me mutters. It’s quite high, but clear as a bell. It’s a sound that I wouldn’t mind hearing again. It quickly gets under my skin and lights my veins on fire. It infects my mind and makes me slightly question what it is that I am about to do.

I turn around, putting a face that the intoxicating voice I just heard.  

And what a beautiful face it is. His skin is pale, like delicate porcelain and his facial features are completely proportional. His eyes are an intriguing colour that I cannot quite put a name to. It’s a magnificent combination of colours that should never work, but they do. Really, really well.

“Hello,” I say. That’s the only thing that I can think to say. The lack of emotion is clear on my face.

“You’re using my bridge,” he comments dryly and I have to blink twice to make sure he’s being serious.

“I’m…what?”

“You’re using my bridge. I’ve had this planned for a while now.”

“You’re jumping?” I ask.

“Are you?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“So are you.”

“Okay, this could go on all night. Yes, I’m going to jump off this bridge in order to not be here anymore.”

“Me too,” he replies, his previously enforced swagger lost in the feebleness of his declarative.

“I’m Edward Cullen, by the way. Considering that we are discussing our suicides with each other, I find it imperative that we learn each other’s names.”

“Kurt Hummel.”

“Well, Kurt, we seem to have interfered with each other’s plans.”

“It seems that way,” Kurt smiles.

“Are you still going to jump?” I need to know. Suddenly, I find myself wanting to know everything about this mysterious Kurt Hummel.

“Are you?”

“You really need to stop doing that. I don’t know. It used to seem like such an easy thing to do. Walk up to the bridge and just…let myself fall. And that would be it. Now, it doesn’t seem as appealing.”

Kurt nods shortly. “I understand. You being here has made me not want to do it. I wasn’t expecting an audience.”

“Me neither. We could do it together.”

“A suicide pact? Really?” He raises an eyebrow and that is now officially the most attractive thing I’ve ever seen. Kurt has a backbone.

“Not a pact. Just some moral support,” I joke, chuckling slightly.

“Why are you here?”

It’s a simple question, yet there are so many different answers that I could give.

_I’m alone._

_There’s nothing left to live for._

_I’m misunderstood._

_I hate myself._

All true. Maybe apart from the second one. If I died, I would be leaving behind a beautiful boy with eyes that gleam even in the darkest of nights.

“I don’t want to live anymore,” is my answer.

“Well done, you understand the science of suicide. Now give me an actual reason.”

“I literally just met you. Why should I open up to you?”

Kurt smirked. “I’m curious.”

I know in this moment that there is nothing that I wouldn’t tell this boy. And for the first time, I get a glimpse of his thoughts, that were previously blocked off to me.

_I wonder why he’s here. Surely he has the perfect life. He’s too beautiful to be bullied. Maybe it’s a family thing? Or a death or something?_

“You are already aware of the answer, Kurt.”

 _What_? I hear him think.

I smile. “You already know.”

“How do you know that I know?”

“Intuition, you could say.”

His smile reminds of why I had doubts about this whole thing. One simple movement of facial muscles and I’m reconsidering. One movement and my world is spinning faster than when I was bitten. But _why_?

“What are you, a supercomputer?”

I shake my head. “I just have a really good grasp of people.”

Kurt looks at me once more, as though appraising me. _Seriously, this guy is an enigma. Probably the most beautiful person alive, yet suicidal and slightly weird? He clearly didn’t grow up in Lima. His ego isn’t nearly as big._

I frown and then smile as I throw all caution directly into the wind. “My ego is definitely smaller than you would think. But thank you for the very nice compliment.”

His face is a sight to behold. His mouth falls into a perfect ‘O’ shape as he comprehends what I’ve just done.

“You’re a telepath,” Kurt murmurs. Wait what? He guesses correctly the first time? Nobody has ever…unless he’s already aware of vampires or superhuman abilities or something.

“You sound surprisingly calm about this.”

He shifts slightly. “Yeah well, when you plan your death, everything else seems a little menial in comparison. I’ve sort of become emotionless in some ways. In regards to surprise, pain and sorrow, I’m almost hollow. I still feel happier things, though. When I’m happy, I’m elated. When I love, I’m consumed. That’s just me.”

I’m shocked that he revealed so much of himself so quickly and I’m starting to get a grasp of who he is without even probing his mind further.

“How do you feel about my abilities? Are you perturbed? Would you like me to stop?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Strangely enough, no. Normally, it would be a gross invasion of my privacy, but I have no secrets. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing anymore.”

“You have me.” I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s spoken all the same. It’s true. He does have me. In a deeper way than he probably thinks. I can always just check…

_I don’t know how to react. Nobody has ever been in my corner after such a short time, before. This is a new experience. I can’t deny that I’m insanely attracted to Edward, but it’s strange that…oh, and he’s probably listening. Okay, now you can get out of my head._

“Apologies. It’s second nature to read somebody’s thoughts once I meet them. I wish I could say that I can tune it out, but it’s difficult.”

Kurt’s face is stoic. “What about in crowded places?”

“It’s the worst. I feel surrounded by trivial thoughts and feelings and I can’t turn it off. It’s one of the reasons I’m here tonight, actually. My telepathy is a gift, becomes it quickly becomes a burden. I have eidetic memory, too, so I remember everybody’s thoughts forever. When you’re confronted with people’s true opinions of you, it becomes harder to ignore how you feel about yourself.”

“That must be awful for you.”

I think for a moment, before positing my question. “Are you still going to jump?”

Hr shrugs and I call that progress. My desire to prevent this boy from ending his life is only partially irrational and I’ll do whatever it takes to prolong his life.

Except _that_.

“I’m not sure. I mean, I’ve thought about nothing else for two weeks. I’ve barely left my room. But now…I’m not so sure that I have the motives anymore.”

Now I’m genuinely confused. Rather than reading his thoughts, I ask. “What does that mean?”

“Everything now is so fucked up that I don’t know where to go. If I jump, I would have somewhere to go. If I don’t jump, I truly have nowhere else to go.”

At my questioning glance, he continues.

“I’m an orphan. My father died a month ago. He’s the main reason I’m here. He was my world and I don’t say that lightly. I don’t have any friends or relatives who wish to speak to me. I’m well and truly _alone_. Before you say it, I have you, I know. It’s not much, but it’s something at least.”

“Oh, well thanks very much.”

“Not like that. I just met you tonight. Surely you can’t be the reason I keep living?”

I think about that but eventually shake my head. “You’re mine.”

It’s simple, but I can tell that it means a lot to him. That’s he is valued. I can’t understand who wouldn’t value someone who is so special.

“Seriously? I’m the tether that is holding you to the Earth?”

“No, I believe that that is gravity.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

I nod, understanding. “Yes, you are. Okay, this is going to sound stranger than my telepathy, but I feel like I’m connected to you in a way that I never expected to be connected to someone. I know you feel it, too. You thought about it a few minutes ago.”

“You know, I’m starting to rethink this “All-Access Ticket To Kurt Hummel’s Mind’ thing. But yes, I feel something innate about you. Like we were supposed to meet here at this bridge to stop each other from dying. Do you believe in kismet?”

I nod slightly. “Perhaps more deeply than I should.”

He smiles in kind and then sighs. “I’ve never really felt like I have a place to belong. Even when I was smaller with both of my parents alive, I still felt dejected from life. It’s ironic that when I come to die, I find everything that I was looking for so that I could _live_. I’m sorry, I’ve said too much.”

“You’ve said just enough. I’ve been searching aimlessly in life for something to grab onto and hold so that I feel grounded but nothing ever came. Why is it that a single conversation with you gives me more than I ever knew I could have? I’ve decided. I’m not going to die tonight.”

Kurt smiles up at me, raising his head. “I’m not, either. I still don’t know what I am going to do, though. I’m still lost.”

I stretch out my hand and he immediately place his in its rightful position. “Well, I’ve found you. You’re going to come and live with me.”

“I…what?” _Is Edward actually serious? Could I just drop everything and go and live with him? I find two problems with this. One, I don’t actually have anything to drop so I don’t have anything to bring. Two, I would hate to impose._

“You would not be imposing. My family and I would be happy to have you. Though it does involve me explaining something to you that is very loaded.”

“You’re a serial killer who is dying to save from being caught?”

He doesn’t know how close he is to the truth. “Not quite. I think you should sit down. No, not on the bridge. You might fall off,” I grin.

He perches on the floor and I join him, sitting opposite. “I think that it’s only right that I tell you. I have two parents and four siblings. A rather big family, yes?”

Kurt looks downcast but I shake my head.

“I’m sorry, I did not mean to rub it in. But we have a secret.”

“You’re a band of travelling gypsy psychics?”

“Not exactly. We are…vampires.”

 _Bullshit_ , Kurt thinks immediately.

“I assure you that it is not. I can demonstrate for you, if you would like. Vampires have enhanced strength, speed and senses. Some, like me and two of my siblings, have special abilities. How about we have a running race?”

Kurt smirks. “I’m pretty quick on my feet.”

“I can assure you that I am quicker. Start from here and make your way that that streetlight and back.”

“Okay. Three…two…one…go!”

I zip across, swing around the streetlight and finish back where we started before Kurt even reaches the light. He stares back, bemusedly.

“Show me something else.”

“Okay. Trust me, though.” I wrap a strong arm around his waist and leap up into the nearest three, navigating the branches until we are standing at the very top, overlooking the city.

“This is _insane_! I definitely believe you. Don’t you kill humans like me, though?”

“You don’t seem scared.”

“Fear is one of my lost emotions. And if you wanted to kill me, that would only serve my current agenda, right? So it’s a win-win for me.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Well, I get to spend time with you while living or die, something that I’ve wanted for a while.”

“So you’ll do it? You’ll come and live with me?”

Kurt thinks long and hard about it. “Yes. I’ll do it. I’ll come and live with you.”


	2. Talks: Part I

“Tell me something about you,” Kurt asks suddenly as we are walking down the dark streets of Lima. I don’t know the place very well. I omitted something from my talk with Kurt earlier; I did not choose Lima, Ohio as a random location. I was _drawn_ to this point, probably so that I could meet Kurt. I hopped on a plane and my gut took care of the rest. Apparently, fate decided that I wasn’t supposed to die yet. How lovely of it. Kurt smiles. “Aside from the supernatural creature thing.”

“I play the piano,” I shrug, wondering if it is acceptable as interesting gossip. Kurt’s eyes brighten slightly and I realise that he does too. Something about the bond between musicians. Or maybe that’s our connection talking, who knows?

“Me too. My mom taught me before she died.”

The connection is uncanny. “So did mine.”

“Really?” Kurt is more sombre now, probably due to the memory of his late mother. I know that thoughts of Elizabeth Masen always send me into a dark spin, however long it lasts for.

“Yes. She was very good. Better than I will ever be. Though I kept on practising to help her live on, if that makes sense at all.”

Kurt nods and I’m glad he understands. “My mother liked to make her own clothes. On every garment, she would sew on a particular pattern. It’s like a cross but with a loop.” Kurt tries to draw the symbol in the air, but it falls flat and I can’t understand it. “I can’t draw it, but I can sew it. I put that on everything I make to remember her.”

I raise my eyebrows, impressed. “So you play the piano and make your own clothes. I’m officially impressed, Kurt Hummel.”

He scoffs. “Ed, you can literally jump up trees. You make my talents seem like party tricks on a cruise.”

“Ed?” I ask.

“I was hoping you would skim over that.”

“No chance.”

“Oh, well then. If you don’t like it, I can stop…”

“I like it,” I say. I’m not sure if I do, but I can’t seem to deny Kurt anything at the moment.

“Where do you live?”

“Forks, Washington,” I reply.

“Edward, why are you even in Ohio right now?” Kurt wonders. Yep, I definitely like ‘Ed’. It’s something that is only Kurt’s, though.

“I wanted to be a long distance away from home when I killed myself. When I got to the airport, I just got on the first plane I saw. And then something told me to come here, to that bridge.”

“Kismet?” Kurt smirks.

“That’s what I’m thinking.”

“Wow, so we really were destined to meet each other? I know that we already talked about this, but it’s quite weird to think about.”

I grin. “Weirder than me being a stealthy creature of the night?”

“I don’t think anything is quite that weird but, you know what, I’m adjusting. So what do the movies actually get right?”

“Not a lot.”

“I take it that you do not sleep in a coffin.”

“Total myth. That one is almost borderline offensive,” I say honestly. I’ve never really understood where that’s coming from.

“Burn in sunlight?”

I shake my head. I have a feeling that Kurt would really enjoy how I look into sunlight. “I don’t burn at all. Sometimes I quite enjoy being in the sunlight. It’s quite interesting once it happens. Though I cannot be in front of people during.”

Kurt laughs. “What do you turn a different colour or something? That would be quite peculiar yet interesting metamorphosis.”

“No, I’m not that much of a freak. The next time it’s sunny, I’m going to take you with me.”

“Are you not going to tell me what happens to you?”

“You will enjoy the surprise, I promise.”

“I hate surprises,” Kurt groans.

“Not this one, I assure you.”

And I just know that he will love it.

“I’ll take your word for it. Can I ask you something quite personal?”

“Of course.”

“If you have such a large family, why did you want to leave them behind?”

I think about that for a moment. I know exactly why.

“It wasn’t about them,” I admit simply. “At some points, I thought about the fact that I was leaving them behind and considered myself extremely selfish for doing so, but they weren’t involved in my reasoning. Every single time that I look in the mirror, and I do have a reflection, I see this…monster. I don’t kill humans, but I was still made for murder and destruction. Everything about how vampires function revolves around persuasion and allure. It’s how we’re supposed to kill humans. We invite them in and make them follow us. Our faces, our smells, our smiles.” I smile in demonstration.

_That is a beautiful smile._

“Thank you. But you see my point.”

“I’m still not used to you doing that.”

“Nor am I and I’ve been like this for over one hundred years. It never really gets easier. It’s just difficult knowing that you exist to kill.”

Kurt smiles sadly at me and I know that I have to do everything in my power to make this boy smile because that look on his face is not worth the ache in my heart. Speaking of which, I have no idea just what the ache in my heart is. It used to be filled up with sorrow and regret, but something else has taken a hold of it and I don’t quite know what that is. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not looking for an apology, Kurt. I just want to know that you’re not scared. I know you said before that you weren’t, but I’m dangerous.”

Kurt stares at me for a long, hard second. “And I’m a suicidal orphan with no real tethers to life besides an also suicidal vampire with whom I am connected through a force more powerful than love. Sue me if I don’t scream.”

His sarcastic tone amuses me and I’m actually cracking a genuine smile. This is…different.

“So now _I’m_ the only reason that _you_ continue to live?” I say, remembering our earlier conversation.

“It’s not like I have anything else,” he says. “and apparently the Universe does not want to me to go just yet. Maybe it has big plans or something, I don’t know.”

I nod. “Maybe life will be easier now that we have each other. You can meet my family and we can have a life.”

Kurt frowns as though he’s thought of something. I’m too tired to read his thoughts. “I was thinking of something earlier. Sorry to change the subject back to our planned deaths, but how do vampires die? _Can_ you drown? Or is it a ‘stake to the heart’ kind of thing, like _Buffy_?”

“I swear that show has more factual inaccuracies than there are people in Belarus.”

Kurt giggles. “So your face doesn’t do the monster thing when you’re thirsty?”

“Nope. Not one bit. And to answer your earlier question, I’m not sure if drowning myself would have worked? If that failed, I was going to ask some random stranger to set me on fire.” I almost laugh at how pathetic the situation seems now .

“I’m sure many would have complied,” Kurt rolls his eyes.

“Remember, I could persuade them. I could probably persuade you to do anything I wanted.”

“Like compulsion in _The Vampire Diaries_?” Kurt winks.

I sigh. “You watch too much vampire-centric television. And no, we cannot compel people. Maybe somebody can as a special talent, but it isn’t inherent from the transition. We get superhuman physical abilities like speed and strength, but the price to pay is way worse.”

“What are the drawbacks?”

“An insatiable need for blood, at the start. When you control it, it’s not so bad. You can’t be around humans in the sunlight, you can’t sleep—.”

“Not at all?”

“No, the human body requires it but vampires do not, apparently. I miss it. It was such a simple thing for seventeen years and now I crave it.”

“Sleep is overrated. With sleep, you dream and when you dream, everything shifts. You dream of bad things. You dream of your very worst fears. I’d rather be awake the whole time.”

I nod. “It does give me more time to do things.”

“Like plot your suicide?”

I give him a quizzical look.

“Too soon?”


	3. Talks: Part II

“So where do we go from here?” Kurt asks, shivering slightly from the cold night air.

That’s a very good question. Where _do_ we go? Kurt has made it plainly clear that there is nothing left for him in Lima. My family are in Forks, though. Alice might have seen my suicide coming once I’d made the decision. I turned my phone off hours ago so nobody would interrupt the whole trying to kill myself deal. I can imagine that she has texted me if she saw enough. I guess that Kurt will have to come to Forks. Well, if he wants to. It’s all very complicated.

“It might sound indecisive and irritating, but where do you want to go? What do you want to do?”

Kurt coughs slightly. “What are my options?”

“You could come home with me to Forks. If I’m being too forward, we can figure something else out.”

Kurt shakes his head once. “Where else do I have to go?”

His voice sounds so incredibly broken that I don’t dare disagree for fear of hurting him anymore than he’s already been by the world. He doesn’t deserve such a thing to happen to him, yet the Universe has seemed to throw curveball after curveball at him. Kurt seems to have batted them all out of the park but now he’s tired of picking up the bat. He’s going to let the next curveball hit him. Or, at least, he was going to until I showed up.

I guess that I was the latest curveball in his life. A suicidal vampire stopping him from doing the one thing that he wanted to do most and having this insane kismet connection with him? That’s bound to throw a spanner in the works. I know that it has for me, anyway. It has stopped everything that I was planning, simply because I was ‘using his bridge’ as he put it. Now I have to go from here. Usually, that would be all kinds of unnerving but, with Kurt by my side, I think that I will be able to do it. Move forward, I mean.

“Not that I don’t want you to live with me, but are you sure there’s nothing else that you can think of that you would want to do?”

Kurt looks down at the ground, biting a lip. “Everyone I would turn to is either dead or gone elsewhere without association. I have nothing. Hence the whole bridge jumping exercise.”

I nod, because what else is there to do? It’s not exactly an awkward situation anymore, but still. “So it’s a plan? You’ll come back to Forks with me?”

Kurt smiles and it’s such a rare and genuine sight that it fills my heart with warmth. A feeling of something bubbles inside me and I haven’t felt like this in a while. Despising who I am doesn’t really leave a lot of time for smiling and feeling happy. Sometimes, when somebody is thinking of something that makes them happy, it makes me happy too, but that doesn’t come around very often. I’m glad that Kurt has given me a reason to smile. And that I’ve given him one too. That’s more than I can think about.

“What’s it like in Forks?” Kurt wonders and I hate the answer I immediately think of. It’s dull and inconsequential.

“Truthfully, there isn’t really much too it. It’s nice if you want to avoid drama and just live your life peacefully, but unless you go to Port Angeles or Seattle, you’re not going to encounter much excitement.”

“It’s a little like Lima then, I guess. There was basically just the mall and the coffee shop.”

“You said ‘was’?” I notice.

Kurt sighs. “I guess I’ve just gotten used to not being around anymore. Past tense has been kind of my thing lately. Whenever people would talk about me after I did it, it would be in the past tense. I kind of applied it beforehand to make it easier. Maybe I thought that it would prepare me and get rid of any lingering doubt, I don’t know.”

“You had doubts?”

“Of course I did. Didn’t you? There wasn’t anything tying me to life, but ending everything still required some extra thought.”

I nod. Of course I understand. “Another reason why I needed to be far away. So that there was no turning back. Once I left Forks, it would be a straight path until the end.”

“Until you started to use my bridge,” Kurt smirks.

“Until then. And I’m glad I wandered around aimlessly until the world pulled me to your bridge.”

“Me too,” Kurt smiles again and the bubbly feeling recurs. “When should we leave? I mean, it’s night time now, so we wait until morning? We could crash at my place. Well, I’ll crash and you…stay awake I guess and do whatever you do at night.”

I laugh, because I never really think about how weird it is that vampires don’t sleep. Humans actually do sleep and that seems weird to me because I haven’t slept in over a century. “I’ll probably just sit and read a book or something.” I’m secretly fascinated to see how Kurt looks when he sleeps. I imagine that he’s even more serenely graceful than when he’s awake. I feel sort of ashamed of myself that I’ll happily watch Kurt simply breathing in and out. It’s not for a perverted reason, it just intrigues me how humans can be so peaceful.

“I have another question,” he abruptly follows up his last statement before I can answer.

“Fire away.”

“What are you afraid of that you think is irrational? And don’t say yourself because that’s such a cliché answer for someone like us.”

I think. There’s only one answer. I sigh. “The butterfly effect.”

He frowns, cocking his head to the side. “Why that?”

“To think that something so miniscule and insignificant can have such catastrophic repercussions is terrifying, I think. It’s just…that…I have power over things. Certain things. If I have a lapse in judgment and decide to bite a human. Suddenly, the world of those around that human changes. They start to grieve, nothing’s ever the same. So I just think that one event that you don’t even think matters could have such sonic boom into something potent and inordinately significant isn’t something that I like to think about.”

Kurt looks up at me, wide-eyed. “I hadn’t really thought about it much, if I’m frank.”

I swallow and eye him solemnly. “I think about it all the time. Sometimes whenever I’m doing something that, to others, would seem menial and not worth further reflection, I wonder how I’m impacting my own future as well as the futures of people around me.”

“I get the feeling that you think _way_ too much.”

I try to laugh, but the sound gets caught in my throat. “I have a lot of free time with not much else to do.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe that you haven’t slept since your transition. That must be strange to get used to. Oh, we’re here.”

He stops, looking at the building in front of him.

_Wow, I never thought I would be back here. I figured it was going to be bridge, then morgue or maybe I would get washed away by the current and never really end up anywhere. Or maybe a shark would eat me._

I chuckle at the latter thought and he looks at me quizzically. I shrug. “Your thoughts are somewhat amusing.”

He grunts a little, but it’s playful. “I had a question about that. Could you…I mean, are you able to obtain information about my dreams as well as my conscious thoughts.”

I’m stumped. That’s an interesting question. I’ve never really compartmentalised the two before. I’ve seen enough of Emmett’s subconscious and it was a little more than I needed to know. “Yes. At least, I think so. Is that a problem?”

Kurt shakes his head. “I want you to listen. Or read or whatever it is that you do. Would it be too much to ask if you record things that I dream about? I’ve always been curious and I’m one of those people that never actually remembers the things that they dream about. If you don’t want to do it, I can do without it. I just thought that it might be interesting is all.”

That would be very interesting. For him and for me. I can get to know him a little better without having to have awkward conversations. Not that we’ve held anything back, really. I mean, we met just prior to our suicide attempts. I think we can kind of bypass small talk.

“I would be happy to do that. If you can find some paper or something, I can make lists of significant information that you’re thinking about as you sleep. I think it’s a lovely idea.”

Kurt unlocks the door and I instantly feel how cold and barren the place is. There’s no life here and no signs of _happiness._ I suppose that’s a given, though, considering Kurt’s situation. I plan to look around, but he walks straight down to the basement. A moment passes before I realise that this is his bedroom. No wonder he isn’t as happy as he should be. Basement bedrooms can’t really stimulate positivity. I’m shocked that he had remained in the room. Then again, I don’t think that he would have been happy moving into his father’s old room. That would not have been healthy, either.

“I’m sorry it’s a mess. I’m usually extremely anal about the tidiness of my room, but I’ve kind of just let it go lately.”

I look around and it’s not what I would have expected. Musical theatre posters adorn the walls and pure black curtains hang in front of the window. There’s a tall vanity that stands by his bed and a large closet sits in the corner of the room.

_I wish this was tidier. Edward’s probably disgusted by it._

“No, I’m not. My bedroom isn’t exactly in use for sleeping, but there are CD’s and clothes pretty much everywhere. I’m not exactly clean when it comes to my room. Sometimes I pass the night by cleaning, but not very often.”

“I know what you mean,” Kurt yawns.

“You should get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow. You’ll be packing and moving to a new state, after all. That’s not exactly a picnic in the park.”

He chuckles but nods anyway, getting under the thin sheets and stretching himself out. “Edward?”

“Yes?”

“Would you mind lying with me for a little while? Until I fall asleep, at least.”

My heart spins in my chest and now all I want to do is lie on the bed and stroke his hair while he sleeps peacefully. “Of course I will.”

I climb onto the bed and he seems to snuggle up closer to me. His head rests calmly on my chest and slide down the bed a little more so he can be comfortable.

“Thank you,” he whispers groggily.

“What for?”

“Everything tonight. I’m glad I met you.”

“I’m very glad I met you too.”

He snuffles slightly and it’s the most adorable sound I’ve ever heard. “I’m glad you didn’t die.”

And that’s all I need to hear.


	4. Waking Dream

I notice Kurt stir several times throughout the night.

The first time is a cute little snuffle, a sound like no other that I’ve ever heard. It’s serene and I feel blessed to have heard it. There’s a specific difference between talking and the noise Kurt made. It’s like he was trying to say something, but lacked the conscious enunciation required to make it audible. He then adjusted his position so his head was on the dead centre of my chest. At first I thought my sub-zero body temperature would wake him up, but he slept through the night, mostly.

The second time is simply a stir and it’s interesting because I see my face in his dreams. It’s nothing specific, just the image floating in his mind. His face appears next to it and then the scene moves on.

The third time is one that I expect. His dreams become particularly violent, a vivid picture of Kurt being chased through a graveyard by a faceless human, a man, probably about my height who is wielding a knife in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Kurt runs and runs and runs to no avail. Eventually, he falls and the man catches up to him. His leg is grabbed and the struggle commences. I’m surprised by how in depth the scene is…like…like it actually happened. I dread to think that it did, but it seems likely. The man avoid being kicked and slashes at Kurt with the knife with no specific target. It catches Kurt’s arm but it’s not too deep. The man then drags the knife from just beneath Kurt’s eye down to his chin, leaving a trail of blood that resembles tears. He repeats the same on the other side, making it completely symmetrical. It’s twisted but the man seems to think it’s artistic. Kurt is crying, in pain, and the man extracts tape and binds his mouth. Kurt is trying everything he can to escape, but he cannot. After that, I tuned out for a little bit, too overcome to concentrate. Seeing Kurt in that position makes me tear up slightly and I’ve never wanted to turn off my power so much before this moment. Kurt wakes up then, screaming and clutching at the covers that bind him.

He senses another presence and scrambles away to the foot of the bed. I close the notebook I had used to make notes of Kurt’s dreams and wait patiently until his panic is over.

“Edward,” he says, softly.

I nod. “Are you okay?”

Kurt rubs his eyes firmly. “Yes. I think so. Did you…did you _see_ it?”

I sigh, wondering whether to tell him. Though complete honesty has been our thing since last night, so I decide to go with that. “I did. I know you don’t want pity, but I have to know. Did it really happen?”

Kurt shuts his mouth tightly and I’m prepared for a silent rebuttal, but he exhales unsteadily. The very function makes me remember that I am unable to breathe naturally to express emotions and that I have to manufacture breathing to evade human detection. But this isn’t about me now.

“Yes. Not exactly like that, but it’s a varied retelling that becomes my recurring dream,” he whispers as though there’s someone else in the house. _He must think I’m nuts._

“No. Kurt, recurring nightmares are perfectly normal. I had one.”

“I thought you couldn’t sleep,” he points out.

“Before I was turned. It’s one of the only things I know that Carlisle, my adoptive father, hasn’t told me. It was just me, with nobody around, and then I’m falling. Through the floor, like quicksand. I look up and my mother and my sister are there, screaming at me. They wonder why I chose to leave them, that I didn’t care about them.”

It’s hard to describe, but I try anyway. I need it, in a way. I can’t point out why, but I need to say the words. Nobody knows about it, not even Carlisle or Emmett. Jasper knows I think about nightmares sometimes because he calms me whenever I feel the emotion.

Kurt looks teary and he’s silently gesturing for me to continue.

“I’m trying to tell them that I love them more than anything, but they don’t believe me. They tell me that they’re glad I’m dying, because they can’t be surrounded by poison who doesn’t care about them. I’m up to my neck in it, now and I look at them one last time and…well, then that’s it. All I remember. I presume that I wake up then, like clockwork.”

Kurt slowly crawls over to me and presses a hand against my cool cheek. “I’m sorry.”

I nod. “It doesn’t affect me anymore. I mean, I barely remember them. I have a new family and I know they care about me. It’s enough to block out the emotions altogether.”

_I care about you._

I smile at him and it’s a genuine one, rare for me. “I care about you too, Kurt. Do you want to talk?”

He pauses and I know he’s not ready. I thought I would enquire, just in case he wanted to air his feelings about it. Doing so was sort of cathartic in a way and I wondered if he might want to indulge.

“Soon. Not quite yet. It’s all a little jarring for me right now. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s just that I—.”

“Kurt, it’s okay,” I interrupt. “I’m not going to pressure you about it. Just know that whenever you want to talk, just let me know. I’m more than happy to listen.”

“Thank you, Edward. So, did I dream about anything else?”

I smile, because there is one in particular that I’ve been waiting for at least four hours to share with him. It’s beautiful.

“Yes, actually,” I say, “it was very detailed. It was a happy one, though. You were with a boy, a blonde, on a beach.”

Kurt stiffens, just enough for me to notice. “I’m sorry, go on.”

“You sure?” He nods.

“You were talking, though I’m not sure what about. It was whispered but you were both smiling and the sun was shining. It was the perfect day, it seemed.”

Kurt smiles for a moment, as if he has forgotten that I’m there. He remembers, face going blank and stoic. “That was Sam.

“He was my boyfriend a few years back. He…we broke up. I haven’t heard from him since then.” I get the distinct impression that that isn’t the whole truth, but decide not to press the issue, as it’s clearly delicate for Kurt to lie.

I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that, so I smile and nod. He looks at me pointedly.

“You don’t have to say anything, I know this is a little awkward. I…am a little confused. I don’t really think about Sam a lot anymore. He used to be everything I thought about, but not for a while now.”

“I understand what you mean.”

“I’m sorry, I’m being short and cryptic. How was your night?” Kurt lets out a small laugh.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to read something. I saw _Ulysses_ on the middle shelf and I had to pick it up.”

Kurt smiles. It’s one of those forced smiles, but still dazzlingly beautiful. I wonder how he does it. “It’s one of my favourites.”

“Mine too.”

He appraises me for a moment. “What did you have planned for today?”

“Catch a plane to Washington, and I haven’t really thought ahead about the rest. I didn’t originally have a great deal to do today.” I smile as he chuckles.

“Me neither. Being dead really cleared up my schedule in foresight. But we can shower and change clothes and head across the country, if you want. No big deal.”

I sigh lightly, putting my hand on his knee. “I know it’s a lot to take on.”

“Anywhere is better than here. Everywhere I go there’s a reminder of what I’ve lost. My mom’s grave, my _dad_ ’s grave, places I went with Sam, my old high school, I can’t go anywhere without feeling some sense of loss. Forks will be a new start for me.”

I nod in agreement. “It’s a whole different world. Sure, the town’s about the same size, if not smaller, but it’s a different vibe altogether. Leave your demons here, Kurt, where they belong.”

Kurt bites his lip but nods anyway. “What about _your_ demons?”

My demons.

My demons are everywhere I go. Well, one specific demon.

The demon that I cannot escape from, no matter how hard I try. I can see myself in the mirror, I feel the thirst that burns in my throat. It crawls its way up and down until it’s all I can think about. Then I feed. And then the guilt eats me up. Animal or human, I’ve way a life to enhance my own. Well, my own lack of life. You know what I mean.

I chuckle. “ _My_ demons are…well, they’re not dependant on location. They’re all around. I can’t. Get away, I mean. My family, they’re my demons. My limited number of friends, they’re my demons. Me. I’m my demon. I’ve tried to escape it before, but you got in the way of that.”

It’s meant as a joke, but I’m not sure if he took it that way.

“I…I didn’t mean—.”

“Kurt, I’m joking. I don’t regret meeting you there if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

Kurt’s eyes sparkles brightly and his mouth stretches into a wide smile. “You mean that?”

“I don’t say anything that I don’t mean.”

Kurt hums. “Me neither.” _I have a question, but I don’t really know how to ask it._

“Ask it. We’ve had complete candour up until now and I don’t want to spoil that.”

He nods slowly and considers his phrasing. “What are you going to tell them? Your family, I mean. About where you were. What are you going to tell them?”

“Good question,” I say hoarsely. The truth is, I have no idea what I’m going to tell them.

I could tell them anything, I just don’t have a plausible story concocted yet.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Telling the truth would hurt them. A lot. It would hurt anyone in that position, I’m sure. But I’m not sure I can lie to them. I don’t know how to work my way around this situation. I can’t avoid the issue, I left without telling anyone and haven’t spoken to them since. I took off and travelled all the way across the country on a whim, on an instinct that led me to you. Suddenly I’m back after a day with a stranger in tow? I’m not sure what story they’ll believe, if I’m honest.

Kurt looks up to me, eyes full of hope and promises. His lips press lightly against my cheek and his kiss lingers there like fire. “We’ll think of something.”


	5. Infinite Life

“Carlisle. Esme.” My voice is barely a whisper, but obviously it’s heard by my vampire family. I know they’ll have been worried and I plan on apologising profusely.

“Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Just how did you think leaving and not telling us where you were going was a good idea? Especially after last time you know how worried we were!” Esme walks towards me, wrapping me in a hug. Carlisle lingers just behind her, embracing me quickly afterwards.

“It was my fault,” Kurt pipes up. We thought of a story on the plane. It’s not very steady, but it’ll do, I guess. Until it all dies down and we can forget about our lies and what actually happened at the bridge.

“Edward? Who is this?” Carlisle frowns, not recognising the face.

“Sorry. I’m Kurt Hummel. I holidayed in Seattle once and Edward and I met in a bookstore. We’re usually quite casual friends, but I desperately needed his help and I didn’t know what else to do. I apologise for making you worry, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen,” Kurt sounds amazingly veracious. He’s definitely a good actor, just add that to the list of Kurt Hummel’s Talents. Although the detail in his story is unnecessary. I’ve learned that lying is best when it’s simple and without rapid answers. You have to keep your voice as steady as possible, which Kurt has done.

“Is everything sorted out?” Carlisle asks, worry lacing his tone. He really is a brilliant man and father. He’s only just met Kurt and he’s worried about his problems.

Kurt smiles sincerely. “Oh…yes, it is. Thanks to Edward. He really saved my life back there.” _Hope you appreciate my joke, Edward._ I chuckle a little, but not so much that it makes it obvious.

“I’m sorry for worrying you all. I really am. There was no time to say goodbye or anything. So I went. I promise I’ll call next time, my phone died,” I chip in, hoping that they buy it. They seem to, but they might be pretending for Kurt’s sake and plan to grill me about my disappearance later on.

“We’re just glad that you’re safe, Edward. And it is very nice to meet you, Kurt. I wasn’t aware that Edward had many friends.” Carlisle bites his lip, seemingly happy that I have somebody consistent around.

“We don’t really get the chance to see each other as much as we would have liked to,” Kurt improvises. Oh, it’s the truth, but warped, considering we haven’t even known each other a day. Then again, some bonds are too strong to deny. Like ours. Whatever it may be. I have a few theories, but I’ll need time.

“I’m sorry to spring this on you all, but I was hoping Kurt could stay here for a while. There’s a personal situation and he has nowhere else. Is that alright?”

“That’s absolutely fine! Kurt, if Edward makes too much a mess, don’t be afraid to clean up,” Esme replies, winking playfully.

“Oh, I won’t be. I’m quite a tidy person.” He is, judging by his room, however unused it had been.

“Good to hear. I’m sorry about your situation, whatever it is. I won’t pry, but if you feel as though you want to talk, we’re here,” Carlisle interjects, his face serenely passive.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. And thank you for letting me stay. I’ll try not to impose too much,” Kurt says, worried about imposition. We kind of imposed on each other’s lives quite a lot last night.

“Nonsense. Any friend of Edward is a friend of ours. Edward, why don’t you take Kurt’s things up to your room?”

“Sure. Where are the others?”

“Emmett and Rosalie are… _hiking_ and Alice and Jasper are upstairs.”

“Kurt knows about us, Carlisle,” I smile, watching them both visibly relax at the prospect of not having to keep the secret from anybody else.

“Oh. Well. They’re hunting, then. It’s a relief no censorship is needed. I trust I don’t need to tell you, Kurt, that nobody else should know.” Carlisle sounds stern, but he’s not, not really.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, I don’t really have anyone to tell anyway,” Kurt says it so sadly that his eyes almost lose their sparkle, filled with a dull glow that doesn’t exactly inspire hope. It may be a façade, but I’m not sure.

“Well, at least you’re good with secrets,” Carlisle rambled awkwardly.

“Carlisle!”

He stares at Esme, apologetic. “What? It was one of those situations where I don’t really know what to say. I apologise, Kurt.”

“Oh, it’s no bother at all. I think it’s good to invoke humour upon oneself once in a while.”

“I agree. Well, we won’t keep you, Kurt. Make sure Edward shows you around. Our other children, Alice and Jasper, are somewhere around. How about we prepare some lunch? No trouble, honestly,” Esme suggests, predicting Kurt’s protestation.

“Okay. Thank you, Mr. Cullen. And you, Mrs. Cullen.”

“Carlisle and Esme, dear. No need for formality when it’s family.”

“Family?” Kurt is puzzled. His thoughts are rambling and nonsensical. That’s one thing that Kurt doesn’t have any longer. A family.

“Of course. I’m sure we’ll come to love you as one of our own given time. Edward is an impeccable judge of character. And you already seem like a fine young man.”

“Thank you, Esme. I’ll make sure to properly introduce myself later on.”

“I like him,” Carlisle mutters after Kurt exits the room.

“Me too. Edward needs somebody around in his life. He’s been getting rather lonely.” It’s true. No point censoring it. Still, there are boundaries.

“I can hear you!” I yell, smile evident in my tone.

“You’re unpacking? I’ll do that later,” Kurt waves a hand, sitting on the bed I bought to keep up appearances in case any humans came over. They never do, but still it’s good to be prepared.

“I’ll do it while you’re sleeping anyway, Kurt. I may as well do it now. I can spend more time making notes on your dreams tonight.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. Not after last night, anyway. That was quite heavy going.”

“It’s your choice. If you want me to, I will. But I’ll probably see them anyway.” Even if I don’t want to sometimes. Last night _was_ heavy going. But if it helps Kurt relax, I’m game for it.

“If you get bored, the option is always there, at least.”

“Edward?” Alice’s sharp tone enters the room.

“Alice, hey,” I mutter back feebly.

“You’re an ass!”

“I’m sorry! Kurt needed me for something personal. It was an emergency.”

“I take it this is Kurt?” She smiles warmly at Kurt, tone shifting rapidly. That’s _such_ an Alice behaviour.

“Yes, Kurt Hummel, nice to meet you, Alice.”

“Likewise. Sorry, I’m usually effervescent as they come, but I’m just so _mad_ at your boyfriend right now.”

“Boyfriend? No, that’s not—,” Kurt tries. But once Alice is set on something, nobody can dissuade her.

“ _Please_ , Kurt, I can practically smell the love between you two.” _And it’s freaking adorable!_ She adds in her thoughts.

“There is…something here, yes. But it is something that neither of us are ready to confront just yet. When anything happens, you’ll know about it.” My fingers quickly slip through Kurt’s. It’s instinctual and I’m not sure where it comes from, but I go with it and so does Kurt.

“Aw cute! Oh Kurt, this is Jasper, my husband,” Alice points next to her at Jasper, who had been standing silently waiting for his introduction. Alice really does have him whipped.

“Nice to meet you, Kurt,” Jasper mumbles with a wave.

“You too. I’m sorry that I’ve basically invaded your home, you don’t even know me.” _I just hope you like me._

I give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I know everything about you that I need to. You make Edward happy. I know that once we all get to know you, you’ll make us happy too. For now, that’s enough.”

“Thank you, Jasper. I look forward to getting to know you better.” _Wow, why do I feel so damn calm? I should be nervous, right?_

“Oh, that’s Jasper special talent. He can influence emotions when he needs to. He’s calming you right now. And, while we’re on the subject, Alice can see visions of the future.”

“Way to make me feel inadequate, Edward. Here you all are with your little talents like they’re spelling bee trophies and I’m the weak ass human with like two special skills.”

“Dude, you get to _sleep_ ,” Alice supplied.

“I suppose I do take that for granted.”

“Well, we’ll let you settle in, Kurt. Come find us later. I want to get to know my future brother-in-law.”

“Will do. Wait, what?”

“They love you,” I smile as Alice leaves the room, Kurt flustered as ever.

“Brother-in-law? Why does she think that? Has she seen it in a vision or something?”

“I don’t think so. But she must pick up on this connection between us, surely. After everything that went down last night, it’s only going to grow stronger.”

“Dude, _nice_!” Emmett booms as he swings into the room, grinning. Oh god.

“Eavesdropping is not a good look on you, Em,” I quip, glaring.

“I hear about my big brother getting laid, I gotta know the details!”

“That’s slightly fucked up, but I’ll let it slide.”

“You’re not denying it,” He smirks.

“We _didn’t_ ,” Kurt pipes up assertively. It’s a good tone on him.

“I take it this is Kurt that Carlisle mentioned,” Emmett appraises Kurt and raises a brow.

“Kurt Hummel, pleasure to meet you.”

“I’m Emmett, the best-looking and most talented Cullen male,” Emmett gloats.

Kurt smirks. _Not bad, but Edward takes the cake with both of those. Damn it, I keep forgetting you can hear me, Ed._ I chuckle at that.

“Keep dreaming, Em,” I grin, Kurt’s opinions reinforcing my worth.

“My wife Rosalie should be here soon. She’ll be pleased to meet Edward’s new boy toy.”

“That’s literally _so_ rude, but I’ve just met you so I’ll refrain from bitching you out,” Kurt gets sassy and it’s actually really…hot. Wow, it’s been a long time since something has been _hot_.

“Jeez, Ed, this one’s got some serious _claws_. I’ll leave you two alone,” He winks and slips away into his room.

“Well isn’t he a handful? He’s like an infant.” _He reminds me a lot of Finn._

“He’s harmless. Emmett thrives on making people embarrassed. The fact that you’re human makes everything so much more fun for him.”

“I gathered. I don’t really blush a lot anymore, so I’m probably going to ruin the fun.”

“Eh, he’ll try his best anyway.” And he really will.

“Let him bring it. Okay, I want to say something, but can I think it instead? For privacy reasons?”

“Of course. You can say anything to me.”

“It’s just…okay.” _I can’t help but worry that my lack of…happiness is going to give this whole thing away._

“Give what away,” I mouth back.

_Our story. It’s half true, isn’t it? You did help me, but I didn’t ask and I didn’t even know you._

I blink and grab a notebook from the side, scribbling back a response.

 _As long as you don’t try again, nobody is going to know anything._ He reads it quickly and shakes his head.,

 _I won’t do it again. I have something to live for now. And I wouldn’t be averse to doing this whole boyfriend thing that Alice mentioned._ His lips curve upwards into a small, suggestive smile.

“Me neither.” I beam back.

_That could’ve been awkward if you said no. I mean, I’ve dealt with unrequited feelings in high school, but imagine living with the person…now that’s the reason they created the word ‘debacle’._

_You have nothing to worry about. You feelings are completely returned. I won’t give up on this, Kurt, I promise._ I finish my neat scrawl and hold up the paper, watching Kurt’s heavily analytical eyes flit across the page.

_You sure about that? I can get very high-maintenance. Wow, this telepathy business is super convenient._

_Just wait until you get me a birthday present. It becomes a challenge to keep it from me._

_I’ve always hated surprises anyway. Surprise illnesses kind of take the fun away. Sorry, that was morbid. I’m working on being happy Kurt!_ His eyes light with determination. I can tell how much he needs this, because I need it to. Happy Edward I don’t think has _ever_ been an actual thing. It had been before my transition.

 _Well, it’s not going to happen overnight, is it? It’ll take time, but I’m very much looking forward to seeing happy Kurt. I can hear your heart beating._ It’s not soft and rhythmic as it was before. Now, it’s heavy and rapid, like a hummingbird’s wings amplified.

 _I bet_ that’s _a strange noise._ He cringes, as though imagining.

_It’s oddly soothing. But it’s hammering away, you might want to slow that right down._

_Wouldn’t want almost attempted suicide thwarted by kismet only for me to die a heart attack anyway, right?_

_Kurt…still too soon._ I wince.

_Right. Sorry. I can’t say I have any control over my heartbeat. That’s entirely up to you._

_Me?_

_You make it race. Even just looking at me like_ that _, it makes my body heat up._

_Careful, or we’ll end up proving Emmett correct._

_One step at a time, cowboy._ He smiles quickly and I take him in my arms, just lying there for several perfect moments. It would be one step at a time and I just know that I’m going to enjoying taking each of those steps with Kurt always by my side.


	6. Control

I feel Kurt shift in my arms as he wets his lips.

“On the plane, I was thinking about something.”

I frown, fingers locking through Kurt’s again. My boyfriend’s. God that’s weird to think. “Hmm?”

“Don’t you think this…species barrier is going to cause some problems for us down the road?” He says, stopping himself, probably to think the rest instead. _I met you last night but we’re already talking about a future without actually talking about the future. That doesn’t make sense, does it? Feel free to shut me up._

“I understand,” I whisper. “We probably need to cover these things so that we can prepare for what’s ahead of us. I know we brushed over this last night, but I’m in this for the long haul.”

Kurt nods. “So am I. It’s just…I’ve never really been so spontaneous.” _A relationship beginning after less than twenty-four hours is not how I would have chosen things to work out. I would have wanted to get to know you first, Edward._

I nod in understanding. I’m the same way. “Me neither. But I guess sometimes we don’t choose these things for ourselves. We have to let things happen and deal with them as they do. What were you thinking about, anyway?”

Kurt pauses and swallows heavily. “If this lasts for a considerable amount of time and…if there’s a…what I mean is…”

I chuckle lightly and run a hand up his arm. “Kurt, take a second to think about what you want to say. Even though I think I already know.”

He sighs loudly. “If this ends up being forever, I’m going to grow and _age_ and you’re going to stay looking like that. Clearly destiny wants us to end up together, so what if we do? Do I just…become an elderly citizen while you stay being a teenage dream? How is that going to work?”

I nod, knowing that he was going to say that. I’ve been thinking about it too. So I tell him what I think. “Honestly, I don’t know. But you’re young, Kurt, and you’ll look young for so long. I want this to become something that will last, I think. But if you’re hinting at what I think you’re hinting at, that might be a problem.”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it? In the end, it’s the only sensible conclusion.”

What?

“Kurt, no, you’re _human_. You need to live a human life. I won’t do what you’re suggesting.”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re not the only one who could do it.”

“So you’d go behind my back to do it, instead? I’m not going to let them do this to you. You don’t know what it’s like. And once you’ve got that venom inside you, there’s no turning back. If you regret it even slightly, it’s amplified and you come to hate yourself. And having to feed, not being able to sleep, it’s not what you want, trust me.”

“I thought you wanted this to last? I mean, people usually live until they’re about sixty or seventy years old. That’s forty or fifty years as opposed to centuries of _us_.”

“I won’t pretend like that wouldn’t be fantastic, but what you’re giving up is nothing compared to what you’d have to face after the fact.”

Kurt’s lip quivers. _I won’t challenge you on this. I don’t want to fight about it. If you sincerely think it’s best for me to remain human until I die naturally, then I’ll respect that._

“Thank you,” I whisper, my hands meeting Kurt’s tenderly.

Kurt’s breath hitches. _Can I kiss you?_

I stiffen for a second before relaxing, my forced breaths equal and steady. “I’m not sure that there is anything that I would love more.”

I wrap my arms around his back, pulling him in closer until our lips are meeting.

And it’s everything I thought that it would be.

I wanted to kiss him at his house.

I wanted to kiss him on the plane.

I wanted to kiss him ever since I met him.

But the waiting has been oh so worth it.

Because Kurt’s lips are on mine so passionately and it’s all I can do not to break. I don’t want to bite him or drink his blood, which is mildly surprising. I thought there would be some part, and I didn’t know how prominent that part might have been, that would have thirsted for his blood. But the only thing that is washing over me is pure passion, flecks of lust dancing around us with every touch. Suddenly, I _know._ He’s everything.

I mean, I knew before that the Universe wanted us to be together, but I didn’t really know that _I_ wanted that too. Now I know. This is how it’s supposed to go; this is what has always been meant for me. I had never found anybody before because they weren’t Kurt. And suddenly one twist of fate occurs and here he is, kissing me and I’m angry at the Universe for not giving me this sooner. For not giving me _Kurt_ sooner.

I stiffen considerably, trying to make sure that my lust doesn’t get the better of me.

“You’re okay, right?” He asks, pulling away, looking into my eyes.

“More than.”

“So you’re not… _thirsty_? Sorry, I’m just not sure how long you have to go between…eating? Drinking?”

I chuckle, his indecision rather amusing. “We usually use feeding, but I guess drinking works too. There’s a slight discomfort in my throat, but nothing that I cannot handle. And no, I don’t want to drink your blood right now, before you ask.”

Kurt sighs, nodding. _Okay. Glad we cleared that up._ “Kissing you is unlike anything I ever thought. I mean, I’ve kissed before, but it’s different with you. There’s something I’m feeling which I can’t quite explain.” _Like when I saw you for the first time at the bridge. There was a feeling in my stomach and in my head that I couldn’t pinpoint. I just felt it again._

“I know what you mean. Not including the curiosity of what kissing you would feel like, there’s something extra that I can’t quite understand. I don’t know why I’m feeling it, but given our recent predicaments, I can’t help but think that it’s the Universe again.”

Kurt smirks. “It’s like we’re just puppets. Our strings are being pulled and there’s nothing we can do about it. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I mind being controlled at this moment in time. Knowing that my life isn’t in my hands is kind of exciting, if that makes sense.”

I nod, because it does. “I understand that completely. I have ideas about my future, but the world has another and clearly the world is going to win. Really, we’re powerless to the plans of the Universe.”

“It’s weird because I’m usually such a control freak. I like things to be done the way that I want it to be. Now it’s like everything has shifted and I’m in the backseat.” _What if the Universe decides to make me a vampire?_

I clench my jaw, because Kurt clearly isn’t letting the subject go. I really do not want to argue with him about it, but I can’t have him going forward _knowing_ that he’s going to become a vampire at some point. He has a choice. Despite the conversation topic, he has _control_ , at least for the time being. Instead, he wants to jump into life as a vampire. Sure, we would have an eternity together, but it’s not an eternity I would have chosen for myself. “Kurt, I thought we were done with that.”

He frowns. “We’ve barely discussed it. You just shot me down. I don’t want to keep having this same fight, but I feel like it’s going to become a big issue in my life soon and it’s a choice I want to be prepared to make.”

This time, I’m powerless to _Kurt_ , so I do what my family would do in this situation. “I…understand. I think you should speak to Carlisle about it, see what he thinks.” A talk with Carlisle usually clears most situations up. It helps everybody. Carlisle is the wisest of us all.

“Carlisle, right. Okay, I’ll go and speak with him now.” Kurt kisses me on the lips and disappears into Carlisle’s study, knocking on the door.

 

Kurt emerges forty minutes later, looking thoroughly disconcerted. He pads slowly back into the room and I put down my copy of Noel Coward’s _Cavalcade_ and turn to him, curious to hear what Carlisle has discussed with him.

“Everything okay, Kurt?”

Kurt instinctively curls up into my arms, head resting against the hard texture of my chest. “I’m so sorry, Edward. I didn’t realise what life is like for you all. I understand now that there is so much more than meets the eye with the whole vampire thing. When you first showed me, I will admit that I romanticised the idea of being extraordinary. In reality, it’s not like that at all, is it?”

“No,” I say sadly, “it’s so much worse than what you think it’s going to be. When I got over the original thirst, I thought that it might not be so bad. I was fast, strong, immortally youthful. What else could go wrong, right? Carlisle told me all about the emotional side of things. How when you hate, you hate so aggressively that it overwhelms everything else. When we love, it’s consuming and perpetual. That’s how I know I’ll love you forever, Kurt Hummel. I just…you deserve so much more than _this_. I pray that the Universe realises this and has something else in store for you.”

He looks at me curiously. _But if this does last forever…when I die, what are you going to do?_

I stare at him because he already knows the answer. “I’ll go back to the place where we met.”

I keep it vague in case Carlisle decides to listen in, but Kurt understands, gaping. “There must be something else!”

“Not really. Everything would be gone. You would be gone. I’m not sure how I’ll take it. But at least you’ll have had the pleasure of having _lived_ a long life. I’ll make it as fulfilling as I can for you. You’re going to have a great life.”

Kurt quickly corrects me.

“ _We’re_ going to have a great life,”


	7. Overcome

When the rest of the family decides to “go camping”, I realise that Kurt and I have some time alone together for the first time since getting off the plane. We need to talk through some things that we couldn’t have discussed with the entire family within earshot.

Kurt also had another dream last night. Another dream about Sam, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Whatever it was certainly bothered him, though. He had tossed and turned and stirred the whole night long, which worries me. I’m not sure exactly what he was dreaming about, though, because all I could see was flashes and fragments of a scene. An exterior with Sam standing in front of him. I know it’s Sam from the other dreams he’s had, the harmless ones with Sam as a supporting character. I don’t know what it means, but it can’t be anything good.

When I ask Kurt what he thinks they mean, he shrugs lazily.

“I mean, I was telling the truth when I said I hadn’t thought about Sam a lot. That was a whole different chapter of my life. I’m past that now, but apparently my subconscious isn’t. There’s nothing to worry about though, Ed, I promise. I have no feelings for Sam anymore.” He’s out of the picture, so Kurt says, but why don’t I feel like he’s still lurking around the precipice of Kurt’s life and his dreams? Oh well. The subconscious is a peculiar realm. Sometimes we see things without actually knowing why. Also I’m highly paranoid so that can’t help things, either.

“I wasn’t worried,” I whisper, “I just don’t want anything tying you down to the part of your life that you want to forget. Your happiness is what matters, here.”

“I am happy, with you. Happier than I’ve been in such a long time. And that’s all down to you.”

“The same is entirely true for me.”

“And don’t pay attention to what my dreams are saying. I’m not worried about them, they’re just dreams after all. Reading into them is a waste of time, I think.”

I don’t know why, but I get a very distinct impression that Kurt is blocking something from me. I don’t know how he’s learned to do it, but it’s just a feeling I get. Again, it could be paranoia, but I’m not too sure. There’s a look he gets on his face when I’m silent that tells me something, but I’m probably wrong.

“I’ll try not to. It’s been so long since I’ve dreamt of anything, I like analysing yours. If you want me to stop, I will.” _I’ll do anything for you_ , I add on at the end to myself.

“If it makes you happy, you can still do it. I just don’t want to know about them anymore, if that’s okay.”

I nod, because that’s a simple enough request. I do that all the time whenever I catch glimpses of my family’s thoughts; ones that perhaps they don’t want vocalised. When you have an ability such as mine, you tend to learn that discretion is a very powerful thing. When you need to, you can have leverage, but you can also protect somebody’s feelings. “Of course. Can I ask you something else?”

“Anything.”

“I was thinking earlier about that dream you had at your place. Not the Sam one, the other one. I think you know the one I mean. I saw flashes of it, but I didn’t really understand what happened.”

Kurt nods painfully. “Yeah. I…um, I suppose it can’t hurt to tell you. But it does involve Sam, just a little.”

I’m suddenly seething because if Sam is the guy who did that to him, I’ll find him, wherever the hell he is now and rip his throat out. “Kurt—.”

“Don’t say anything for now. Please. Just listen.”

Kurt clears his throat and sighs. “One night just after Sam and I got together, I was staying at his house and we heard something at the window. It was like a bang, but fainter. Sam went to check the noise but couldn’t see anything. He locked the window and we kept hearing the tapping, over and over again.

“We went downstairs and the front door was wide open and the hat rack had been knocked over. He strange part was that nobody was inside. We checked every room twice and nothing. I thought that we should have called the police, but Sam wanted to search the surrounding area for somebody playing a prank on us or something.”

“Did you find anything?”

Kurt nods quickly. “Sam led us both into the forest where he thought he saw a shadow and…he got dragged away. He told me that he would be back and I heard a scream and he just disappeared. So I started to look for him and I found the intruder…only he wanted me to find him. It was all part of the game.”

I see more in Kurt’s head than I do from his words.

_Kurt stumbles backwards, tripping on branches and uneven grounding. The man snickers and saunters towards him, brandishing the knife I saw in the last dream._

“He grabbed me and…well, you know the rest. He chased me for a while and…then used the knife. I wasn’t fatally wounded or anything, but I was lost and hypothermic. That was the last time I ever saw Sam. I saw blood on the ground, though, when I went to look for him. A lot of it. The police concluded that he died. There was no body found, but the blood on the ground matched the blood they found under my shoe.”

I hold him closer, rendered speechless by the story. How could something that horrible have happened to somebody so compassionate? It doesn’t make sense. For him to lose his parents and his boyfriend and everything he loves is just outrageous.

“Did they ever identify the guy?”

Kurt pauses. “I know what you’re thinking but revenge isn’t necessary. That was quite a while ago and I’ve more or less moved on from it. Apparently my subconscious hasn’t been so quick to jump on the bandwagon.

“There were times when I would miss Sam, but I don’t think about him anymore. You’re all I’ve ever needed, Edward.”

“You’re everything,” I say honestly and the forthrightness of my reply surprises even me. My feelings have never been so accessible to me than whenever I’m around Kurt. It’s shocking how much impact he’s had on my life. “And I promise you’ll never be hurt like that ever again. I won’t let that happen to you. I can protect you.”

Kurt’s thought are louder now, somehow. _People have said that to me my entire life. Mom, Dad, Finn and Carole. Sam. Mercedes. But where are they now? Three of them are dead and the other don’t want to know me anymore. This is different, though, and I know that it is. Edward would never hurt me and I believe him about that. When he tells me things, I know that he’s being sincere. What reason does he have to lie?_

“I don’t,” I answer simply and Kurt smiles.

“I keep forgetting about that. Though I’m glad I don’t have to always vocalise my thoughts. You can just give them a quick scan and you know what I’m about to say. Did you know that day at the bridge? Did you know what I was going to do.”

I shake my head. “I’ve pondered this, but I had no idea what was going on in your head and I didn’t know why. I’ve narrowed it down to your emotions. They were all over the place, despite your insistence that you didn’t feel anything. Your mind was just a wall of sorrow and anguish that it was hard to get a read on you properly. As I got to know you, it became much clearer to get an insight. Although what you were about to do was pretty evident by where you were and where you were standing.”

Kurt chuckles lightly. “I suppose that’s true. I’m glad we have each other. Now the end doesn’t seem so near.”

“With you, there is no end. But if you ever feel like you could plummet off a bridge to your death, let me know. Talk to me about it.”

“I will. The same goes for you, okay? I don’t want you sneaking off while I’m asleep and doing it without me.”

I roll my eyes because that’s just so ‘Kurt’. “Can I kiss you?”

“You can do that anytime you like. You don’t have to ask.”

I claim his lips with my own, feeling the familiar tug in my gut that I always feel when my lips are on Kurt’s. He was right about the unexplainable feeling, because I’m experiencing it to. It doesn’t seem overly complicated until there’s a feeling that cannot be boiled down to attraction or romance. It’s something different, something that connects us. And I know he’s just as in the dark as I am about it.

Maybe the dark is where we’re both supposed to be.


	8. Revival

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay while I’m off hunting?”

“You may be a tough ass vampire and me a lowly human, but I’m pretty resourceful. I won’t go too far, maybe just for a walk around the exterior. Edward, I know that nobody’s back from the hunting trip and you need to feed as soon as possible. I’ll be fine on my own for a while.” And I will be. I completely understand why Edward’s worrying and I sort of am, but there’s no need for him to stay behind and risk him being insanely thirsty for no apparent reason.

“I know you will, I just want you to give me an excuse to stay behind,” Edward replies softly.

“As much as I don’t want you to leave, you have to. And I need to be able to think without everything being overheard by my supernatural boyfriend.”

Edward chuckles and it’s a sound that fills my ears with such a sweet feeling. Edward laughing makes me happy and that is extremely rare lately, so I’ll drink in every single second of it before he leaves town for a few days. “I get it, I get it. Privacy reasons are all fine, but you’d better be back to censoring your adorable thoughts when I get home.”

“You can count on it,” I say, because when, since being in Forks, have I had a thought without my boyfriend knowing about it? We actually haven’t spent a moment apart since the bridge, which is quite shocking to realise but also not surprisingly considering our emotional connection. Fate is determined to keep us together, so obviously we didn’t leave each other’s sides. “Now, off you go. I want to run around like a child. This house is much too big for me to not take full advantage of. Now, since I don’t know anybody in Forks, I may as well be home alone child style.”

Edward frowns and rolls his eyes. “Two days, Kurt. The rest of the family travelled pretty far out; they wanted to make the most of the hunting trip to give us some privacy. They’ll be back in two days, maybe sooner. I’ll be back either tomorrow or Thursday. There’s plenty of actual human food in the cupboards and the refrigerator and important phone numbers are taped to the kitchen door. If you need _anything_ , call me. I can be back as soon as I can get here. If you need it, I’ve left the keys to my car.”

“Yes, yes, that’s all fine, thank you. Go and drink some animals, Edward. I’ll be _fine._ ”

For the record, I’m rarely _ever_ fine.

* * *

I pace the exterior what seems like four times and explore the house in more depth than I would have liked. Rosalie and Emmett’s room, that’s all I’m going to say.

In the end, I realise that a house full of vampires doesn’t actually include a lot of normal human hobbies. You’d think that they would have a chess set or maybe a Monopoly board? Something to occupy my infinitesimal human mind while I’m here? I settle on tidying Edward’s bedroom up a little bit. It’s already spotlessly vacuumed and dusted, but there are some things that lack an order, so I decide to provide them with one.

It’s when I’m looking at the things that I brought, the minimal items of clothing and essentials like my laptop, that I notice the thing that has been bugging me for days on end without an answer. Precisely, it’s tucked firmly away in my left Doc Marten boot.

A slim piece of paper, folded very neatly, designed so that I wouldn’t see it unless I was looking specifically in my shoe, which I just so happened to do at that very moment. Thinking it’s a note from Edward, I unravel it and smiled prematurely, waiting for the cute message to register in my brain.

_Clearing behind the high school at eight. You’ll get the answer you’ve always craved. Come alone, Kurt._

“What the fuck?” I say to myself, still whispering even though nobody is around for a mile or so. I read the note at least three more time before it registers in my brain.

Absurdly, I find myself thinking that I don’t even know where the high school is situated and that I would have to leave early to find it.

Mentally, I list the things that I know about the situation.

One: Someone other than the Cullens was in the house recently.

Two: They have something that I want to know.

Three: I have no idea what that is. There are no burning questions left in my life. There’s just…burning.

Four: I’m definitely going. Nobody even knows that I’m here besides the Cullens, or so I had been thinking. If someone wanted to hurt me, surely they would do it right now, knowing that I’m alone in the house.

I quickly leave a note on the countertop detailing my plans in case someone returns and I’m not there and then they freak Edward out.

_Gone to meet an old friend behind the high school. Shouldn’t be too long. Kurt x_

I shrug at the feebleness of the lie before returning to my plans. Maybe the note’s author is legit.

And maybe there _is_ something that I need at the clearing behind the high school. Maybe I just don’t know what it is yet.

Well, I guess I’ll find out soon enough. At eight o’clock.

* * *

It takes me a while to actually find the place and, as soon as I step out of Edward’s car at fifty six minutes past seven, I know that something bad is about to happen.

I can’t explain it, it’s just a _feeling_ I’m getting. The wind is blowing in my face but I feel numb.

Then it hits me.

It feels exactly like the night of the bridge. Like something is ending but, this time, I haven’t chosen it. Or maybe I did by coming here. I can’t turn back, my feet won’t allow me to move in any other way but towards the clearing; my destination.

I know what I have to do.

I take out my phone, dialling Edward’s number. If this really is going to be the end, I want to hear his voice. I want to tell him…that I love him.

“ _You’ve reached Edward Cullen, I can’t pick up but leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”_

The following beep is the most obnoxious sound I’ve ever heard. It seems to last forever, ringing in my ears even after it’s stopped.

Then I realise I’m supposed to leave a message. Oh yeah, “hey Edward I’m about to die okay just checking in sweetie, bye now” would go over really great.

“Edward, by the time you get this it’ll be too late. I did something really stupid tonight and I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’m here. I didn’t even know there _was_ a clearing behind the high school. Anyway, what might happen tonight or what might have already happened is not your fault. I don’t want you to blame yourself for this, Edward, you listen to me! Don’t go to the bridge. Please. I’m so glad that I met you, Edward. I love you.”

And the tears are flowing because I’m seeing a figure in the clearing, distant across the hazy fog that’s settled over the night. I know that figure is the end of my life. I can _feel_ it.

I approach, seeing them get closer to me.

I keep walking, slow and steady. There’s nothing I can do now but walk closer until I see them… _him_ , no I know it’s a him.

I’m closer, close enough to…

And there he is.

* * *

“Sam?”

He turns around, eyes as green as I remember. But no, this isn’t right, I mean this can’t be right. Sam died in the forest when I almost did. The blood. It was _his_.

“You finally came looking for me, Kurt,” Sam answers, voice deeper and colder than it used to be. It’s been years, but there’s no mistaking it. His face, made even more beautiful by the new sharpness to his jaw and the new etherealness of his pale complexion, stares back at me stoically.

“I don’t understand. You…you’re dead.”

Sam opens his mouth slowly, smiling cruelly. “Yes.”

And then, as though the timing were too impeccable, the cogs click themselves into place and every little things makes sense.

“You’re a _vampire_!”

“I figured you would recognise the signs, Kurt. A hug for old time’s sake?” Sam widens his arms. For the first time since meeting Sam, I don’t want to step into them. Everything seems icier now, like there’s more to play for.

And perhaps there is.

“Explain it to me. How are you here right now?”

“Well, I had to make my way from Seattle, but it was pretty easy to—.”

“ _No_ , I mean _here_. Alive. Or… _undead_. You died in the forest.”

Sam nods his head. “Ah, yes. The best and worst night of my sorry human life. Let me fill in the blanks for you. We went into the woods together, you stayed behind and the intruder turned me. Well, he had his fun first, biting me and drinking my blood. And then he made me an immortal. I’m guessing he hurt you a little bit and you found the spilled blood and assumed that I was dead. Correct?”

“The police ruled your death as a homicide,” I say dumbly, as if that’s supposed to help me right now.

“And perhaps it was. Technically, I was killed by that man. I believe his name was Jeremy, very nice guy once you get to know him. Of course you never did because not once did you come looking for me.”

I swallow my fear because I want to make a point. “The police confirmed your _death_ , Sam. I saw the blood! How was I supposed to realise that you were a vampire hiding away this whole time? It’s not like it had happened to me before. Would you have looked for me?”

“You would have been worth looking for,” he counters and makes more sense that I expect him to. “Apparently, you didn’t think the same about me. Think of how many times we talked about supernatural stuff and science fiction. You didn’t recognise the signs.”

“Did you _plan_ this, Sam?”

“Not quite, but I almost wish I had. Life as a vampire is so much more _satisfying_ than being human. Mortality is so basic. I feel sorry for you having to live like this. I almost went back for you after I adjusted.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“I decided to wait for you, to see if you would come for me. And you didn’t. So now here _I_ am.”

“You still haven’t clarified. Why _are_ you here?”

“Like I said, I wanted to come back for me. When I realised you had given up and _moved_ on, I sought you out. I still love you, Kurt. I always have. But I’m so…angry at you! You didn’t look for me,” Sam growls, “you didn’t care whether I was dead or alive. You just carried on with your sorry little life without a word. I was hurting and I loved you so much. I thought you cared enough to come looking for me!”

I bite my lip until it starts to bleed. “That’s not true! I…I saw the blood, Sam! There was so much of it, I didn’t think there was a chance that you might…”

Sam holds his hand up. “I’ve heard enough of this.” He flits over to me, stroking my face. “So pretty. I’ve missed this while I’ve been away.”

“So why didn’t you come back, then? If you loved me so much, you could have returned, I would’ve understood, Sam!”

“What does it matter now? You’ve clearly moved on with the Cullen boy. I thought you were a good judge of character, Kurt. It turns out you’ve actually managed to surprise me. You don’t know what he did to me!”

I frown, because that’s absurd. That doesn’t make sense. How would…? “How does Edward know you? He never said anything, he never—.”

“You think he would mention that he tried to kill your ex-boyfriend?” Sam’s eyes flicker left and right as he stepped back a little bit. I collect the blood that lies on my tongue, feeling the coppery taste on my mouth.

Sam’s head snaps up, eyes crazed and demonic. They aren’t kind like Edward’s are, they are manic and hurtful. “Blood,” he hisses in a cracked whisper.

My eyes widen as I realise that my lip is steadily bleeding, the blood seeping through the small slit in my lip. Oh fuck. There’s blood and he’s a fucking vampire. “Sam…”

“I have to taste it, Kurt. I’ve been without blood for too long trying to get to you. I’m not like your boyfriend, I can’t hold out much longer.”

I cover my bottom lip with my upper lip and press down with my teeth. I hope that it is enough to mask the scent and that Sam would lose his thirst but I doubt it. I’m not quite able to tell whether Sam still cares about me enough to leave me unharmed or not. I’m just hoping with everything inside of me that he does. Surely he does, he _must_ , if he’s sought me out for this long. “You don’t want to do this.”

“On the contrary,” Sam smiles coldly, “I’ve wanted nothing more for such a long time…I just hoped you would have put more effort into getting me back.”

“Sam…” I say, feeling a little sad about that now. Why wouldn’t I? He’s right, I did give up on him. I could have tried harder.

“I’ve been watching you for a long time, hoping that you would remember me. I followed you through it all and you didn’t notice. I stayed in the shadows, mostly. I was about to blow my cover when you reached the bridge, but obviously things got in the way.”

“You’re lying about Edward. I know you are! Edward would never hurt anyone the way you do!”

Sam chuckles darkly. “You expect me to feed on petty little animals and not need any more blood for another month? That’s the cowards way out; the Cullens are too scared to face what they truly are! I feel sorry for them.”

I blink before exhaling unsteadily. The silvery tint in front of my eyes clears and I can see everything how I’m supposed to. No guilt, no remorse. Sam was gone, there was nothing I could have done. And I’ve moved on. That isn’t my problem anymore. I’ll probably always still feel something for him, but Edward literally saved me from myself. I love him…and I’ll never get a chance to tell him. Everything I’ve bottled up suddenly unleashes itself from my tongue. “No, Sam. I feel sorry for _you_. Edward and his family… _my_ family were strong enough to handle their transformations and not turn into monsters! You were _weak_ and don’t even try to say that you weren’t. You sacrificed your humanity for the easy option by feeding on people. People who have families and friends, just like you once did. But now you’re alone, aren’t you? Hiding in the dark, waiting for your next meal?”

Sam turns back, striking me in the face so that I fall to the ground. “Where do _you_ get off calling me out for being weak? I _saw_ you at the bridge, ready to end your life simply because you were miserable! We could’ve been happy, Kurt, if you only cared enough in your pathetic human heart about us. Maybe that’s it. Maybe you just need to think like an immortal. Then you’ll _understand_. Get up!”

I clamber to my feet as Sam grasps my face firmly. I’m powerless to the superior strength of the vampire in front of me and I realise that it was such a bad idea to insist to Edward that I was okay while he’s away. And now I’m going to pay the price for that stupid mistake. I can’t fight him. There’s no possible way I can talk myself out of this. Sam is beyond reason: he’s too crazed and bloodthirsty to even think about listening to me. “Sam, you don’t want to do this.”

“First you betray me by shacking up with _him_ and then you insult everything I am. I should do way worse to you.”

I struggle for breath before coughing. “Edward did nothing to you! He doesn’t even know you!”

“That’s what he wants you to believe,” Sam replies.

“No, that’s what _you_ want me to believe. You want me to come back to you by defaming Edward. It’s not going to happen, Sam. I love him.”

Sam growls, throwing me to the floor like a ragdoll he’s bored with. “You’ve gone too far.”

I try to get up, but Sam blocks me with his body and leans over me, planting his hands firmly in the ground either side of my head.

“I just hope I’ll be able to stop,” Sam whispers, before his teeth rip through the skin of my throat.

“Sam, _stop_!” I screech as the pain floods through my body that I just _know_ is the venom of a vampire.

It’s ice cold and I can’t help but yell at the feeling of it licking through my veins. Sam pulls away reluctantly, looking at the writhing human on the grassy ground. The pain is indescribable. It’s cold and then it’s burning and then it’s a dull ache and then it flares up again, white hot and raging all through my body. All of my nerves are on fire at the same time. I can’t keep still. I just want it to _stop_.

“Sam,” I grunt through the pain, “make it stop!”

Sam clucks. “Sorry, love. That’s something I can’t do. The venom’s in your bloodstream now. There’s three days of pain and then you’ll be like me. The very thing that your boyfriend despises about himself. The very thing that made me so repulsive to you. Talk about a double standard.”

He goes on talking, but I can’t hear a word he’s saying. The agony is too much, ripping apart my veins and turning them into fire. In this moment, I only want Edward beside me, cradling me and telling me that everything is going to be fine. That I’m going to be fine.

Only I’m not going to be _fine_.

I’m going to be a vampire.


	9. Welcome To Your Life

“Kurt, I’m here,” I whisper gently, because I know how horrible this must be for him. Firsthand experience tells me that he’s struggling. Everything I went through during my own transformation comes flooding back to me, only it hurts so much more watching Kurt go through it.

Even when he’s in pain, he’s insanely beautiful. I know he can’t move, but he’s still feeling everything. His eyes are closed, lids glossed with serenity, yet underneath it all is pure, unadulterated agony. And there’s nothing I can do to help him.

I didn’t even help him off the ground. Emmett got there first, sweeping him into his arms and making sure he was okay. I appreciate the heroics, but I should’ve been the one to save him. I promised him that I would protect him. I shouldn’t have gone hunting and left him behind, what a stupid thing to do. I don’t even know if he’ll forgive me once I apologise; when he wakes up, I’ll explain and hope for the best. I can’t lose him now, not after I almost did.

“I think you can hear me,” I mumble, careful not to overdo it due to his sensitivity. My voice is naturally quiet anyway, but the enhanced hearing can be a bitch at first. Your ears are starting to adjust to the frequency, you don’t know whether normal volumes are going to be too much. It’s a lot to take on. “Your thoughts are jumbled, I can’t really make them out. There’s a lot of pain there.”

I sigh deeply. “I’m so sorry, Kurt. I never meant to put you in that position. I was so stupid to think that you’d be safe on your own. I didn’t know that Sam was even alive. I should’ve realised that something was up. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. You can hate me forever if you want, but I want you to know that I would never purposefully do anything to ever make you unhappy or put you in harm.”

My head falls heavily into my hands as I try to keep myself together. It’s all I can do not to leave the room. I want to stay with him until he wakes up, to be with him in those first moments he has as a vampire, but it’s hard. Knowing that I’m part of the reason that he’s here. I didn’t bite him, but I may as well have. No, that onus falls on Kurt’s ex-boyfriend.

Sam.

The amount of anger that fills me up when I think of Sam is indescribable. I don’t know exactly what happened between them in the clearing, but I know it wasn’t anything good.

“I just want you to know how much I care about you.”

And then, a beat.

“I do. I know,” Kurt croaks.

My eyes open just a little bit wider, surprised that he’s even capable of speaking just after transition. “You’re awake. Hey, take it easy, try to lie still for a while.”

“Did what I think happened really happen?” He sounds so crestfallen and that isn’t something that warms my cold, dead heart. I just want to travel back in time and stop Sam from even being there. I hate him, with a burning passion. More than I’ve ever hated anybody.

“Well, what do you think happened?” I try softly, so that the information wasn’t coming from me, wasn’t so abrupt.

Kurt let out a breath. “Sam is…alive. Well, he’s a vampire and he tried to kill me and now _I’m_ a vampire. I think I’ve got that right but I might have dreamed it. Oh, please tell me I dreamed it.”

I flinch, my mind flashing back to three days previously, at the clearing.

_Something wasn’t right. I could feel it, even then. My blood turned to ice and a gasp tangled itself in my throat. The lifeless body lay on the hard ground, making me shiver unconsciously. I stood, like a coward, frozen to the spot, unable to do anything._

_Luckily, Emmett had sensed my difficulty and breezed ahead of me._

_“He’s over here! Edward, we got him!”_

_“Is he alive?” I couldn’t bear to look, to see Kurt’s unmoving chest. I tried to focus on a heartbeat, but my mind was jumbled with everybody’s frenzied network of thoughts._

_It was Alice who responded._

_“He’s in_ transition _!”_

“Edward?”

I’m brought back to reality by Kurt’s soft whisper, fear lacing his voice.

“You didn’t dream it, angel. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh. I…okay.” It’s all he says and it’s definitely not enough. Not what I’m expecting. The screaming, the crying, the shouting, the storming out. All perfectly viable reactions.

“I’ll understand if you want to leave,” I say, making sure he knows he has an exit if he so desires one. I want so much for him to stay, but it’s his choice entirely.

He frowns with bemusement. “What are you talking about?”

I sigh, not wanting to have to explain; to make him see sense. But I owe it to him. I owe him more than I can ever explain to him properly. “I did this. I left you on your own and now look where you are.”

Kurt lifted his head, shifting slightly as he did, wincing at the pain. “Edward…”

“It’s my fault, I…!”

Kurt clenches his jaw, clearly irritated. I don’t blame him. “Edward, please listen to me! This is not your fault, okay? You don’t know the whole story.”

“What?”

“I found a note,” Kurt begins, recounting the story in full, from my departure to the confrontation with Sam.

He tries to tell the story as softly as he can, so his throat doesn’t hurt too badly. I’m surprised that he’s not clamouring for blood right now. He continues to amaze me in every single way possible. He’s taking this brilliantly, the vampire thing. Not all of us were so calm about it.

“I was so stupid,” he continues after he’s finished with his version of the events. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone, but I did anyway. All of my instincts told me to stay away, but I was too curious. I wanted to know who knew where I was. When I saw him, I…”

“The voicemail,” I interrupt, remembering Kurt’s words as clear as day.

_Don’t go back to the bridge._

He knew. He knew even then that my life wouldn’t be the same without him in it. In what he thought were his last moments, he was still saving my life.

Would I have gone to the bridge?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Probably.

Yes.

There’s no use lying to myself. If Kurt was dead, I would have gone through with the very thing that brought Kurt and I together. The symbolism is almost delicious. The beginning and the end of my journey with Kurt…in the same place for the same reason.

I shake my head to clear it. Kurt needs my attention now. I can’t go back to those thoughts.

“I thought I was going to die,” he mutters. “I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. I’m sorry for going.”

I bite my lip. “I’m not going to pretend like I wouldn’t have done the same thing.”

Kurt frowns. “Without the double negative?”

“I don’t blame you for going to that clearing, Kurt. That note was extremely cryptic and it’s human nature to want to know what people know about us and how.”

Kurt smiles. “You said ‘us’ even though neither of us are human.”

I wave my hand, grinning. Trust Kurt to get hung up on the specifics of the matter. I suppose it’s his way of deflection.

I hear Carlisle thinking downstairs and I silently thank my family for not interrupting the discussion Kurt and I are having. They want to make sure he’s okay, but they want to give me space. Things like this always make me feel horrible for even thinking of suicide.

“Speaking of, you must be extremely thirsty right now.”

Kurt gasps suddenly, as though it hadn’t occurred to him until I spoke. “You’re right. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before! It’s crawling up my throat and I can’t help it. I need _blood_. Oh my god, I’m craving the need to kill something, that isn’t…I mean, I…”

“Kurt, you don’t have to censor yourself. We’ve all been there. It’s unnatural, it’s gruesome, it makes you feel like a terrible person for craving something so destructive. But this is not a reflection on you, I swear. You’re a wonderful person, Kurt.”

Kurt’s ears perk up at something outside the window and he freezes, dead silent, just like vampires are designed to be. “Edward, Sam is still out there.”

I clench my fists, not wanting to think about that particular fact. “He was gone before we even got there, Kurt. I wanted to go after him, but there was no point. My tracking skills aren’t that great and he could be anywhere by now. But I’ll find him, I promise you that.”

Kurt shakes his head. “There’s no point. He has what he wanted. He got back at me.”

I frown. “You’ve told me the story, but I don’t understand exactly what his deal was.”

“Sam loved me more than I realised. He felt betrayed because I gave up on him. Edward, why do I feel so broken about this?”

“Your senses are enhanced, Kurt, and so are your emotions. When you hate, it consumes you. When you love, it consumes you. Maybe you’re feeling differently now that you Sam isn’t dead.” I know it’s a long shot but he needs the option. Clearly Sam still wants him. I need him to know that he can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t need to feel obligated to stay with me.

He rolls his eyes. “Edward. Just because my heart doesn’t beat anymore doesn’t mean that I don’t still love you just as much as did before. I’m nothing with you. You’re everything to me.” He takes my hand. “ _This_ is everything to me. I quite literally having nothing left. Sam was a huge part of my life. He was my first love and I’ll never forget him, but that doesn’t mean I still love him. He’s not like he was before.

“He used to be sweet and loving. Now he’s vindictive and ruthless. That’s not the kind of man I want in my life. You’re the man I want and now we have a forever to look forward to.”

“You’re being surprisingly okay about all of this.”

Kurt shrugs, walking over to the window. “At least I have a purpose now. As a human, I wasn’t really much of anything. Now I have time on my side, I can _be_ something.”

“You need to hunt,” I reply, noticing the slight clench of his fists and the tremble of his knees. Classic tells that a vampire is thirsty. “As soon as you can. The sooner your first hunt is over, the better off you’ll be. You have to be uncomfortable right now.”

He nods crookedly, as if unwilling to admit that he’s suffering.

“Kurt, it doesn’t make you weak. It’s every vampire’s natural urge to want to feed. You don’t have to be pretend like it isn’t hurting you. We’ve all been there.” I wrap my arms around him tenderly.

My next words are interrupted by Esme and Alice, who smile as they enter the room.

“Sorry for intruding, we just wanted to see how you were doing.”

Kurt smiles back at them. “I’m doing okay. A little shaky, but I’m good.”

Alice shakes her head fondly. “Kurt, you’re beautiful. I mean, you were beautiful before, but…look at you.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” I whisper, kissing Kurt’s head softly.

Kurt frowns in response. “I look different?” He turns his head, loosening my hold on him. He rotates slightly so that he’s facing the mirror.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, as if looking at himself for the very first time. I agree, he looks different, but he still holds the gorgeous features he had before becoming a vampire. His skin isn’t just pale anymore, it’s rich and angelic. His eyes are a brighter blue, the specks are grey accentuating the cobalt shade just so. His lips are fuller, making his confused smile that much more adorable. The bags under his eyes from bad sleeping habits are gone, the shadows that once haunted him only glimmers of darkness now embedded in his memories.

“I look…” he starts, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

“Perfect,” I complete his utterance, hearing Esme’s slight coo in the background.

“We’ll leave you two,” Esme says, shooting a grin my way. “Let us know when you’re going out to hunt, okay?”

Kurt immediately stiffens hearing the word. “I need…I need…”

“I know, baby, we’ll go and get you some blood.”

As Kurt and I step out into the rain, everything slides into place. Reality. Kurt is a vampire and I should have stopped it. He lost his soul because I was stupid and not paying close enough attention. I suppose that if this series of events has taught me anything, it’s to let the past go and to focus on the future and how to deal with what’s ahead.

But I know that with Kurt forever by my side, it won’t be that difficult.


	10. Epilogue: The Question

**4 Years Later**

“You’re not serious, right?”

I tilt my head. “Why would I not be serious?”

“Andrew Garfield made a _much_ better Peter Parker than Tobey Maguire!” Kurt splutters. He’s so cute when he’s passionate about something. It’s not often that we disagree, but Kurt usually makes me see sense when we do. But, this time, I’m not backing down.

“That’s your opinion, I’m just saying that I didn’t really _believe_ Andrew Garfield. Sure, he looked the part, but his performance didn’t really move me.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “I still don’t agree.”

“You’re so cute when you’re passionate.” I kiss his nose gently. “One of the many things I love about you.”

He looks up at me from his position lying across my lap and then looks around at his surroundings. “Do you ever think about that night, four years ago?”

“Every day since it happened. Why do you ask?” I’m genuinely curious if his reasons are the same as mine.

“That night was a complete oxymoron. The best and worst night of my life. I was at such a low that I didn’t know if I could stay alive anymore and then I met you. You travelled across the country on a whim because you were drawn to one particular bridge.”

I shake my head. “No. I was drawn to _you_. Whether it was to keep you from death or to keep _me_ from it, I still can’t decide. As soon as I saw you, I knew that everything was going to change. I knew that you were the reason I was there, the reason I had to keep on living. It’s strange actually…”

“How so?”

“The person you were back then. He was…cold, withdrawn and with good reason. You had nothing left.”

“And now I have everything,” he states declaratively.

“Oh, really?”

“Sure I do,” he shrugs. “I get to be with you forever. That’s more than any single human gets in their lifetime. Plus I have unlimited time on my hands. You know how many movies I can watch in that amount of time?”

“Lots, I imagine,” I grin, moving a stray hair from Kurt’s forehead. It took him a long time to let me touch his hair properly. For him, that’s a big thing. “Listen, I have something to say and I want you to let me say it.”

“If this is about Tobey Maguire…”

I chuckle lowly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “It’s not, I promise. It’s about you. And me. We have forever, Kurt, and there are so many things we can do. In fact, we’ll probably run _out_ of things to do. But we’ll be together and that matters more than anything else to me. Before you, I’m not sure that my life had any value. I was a monster, living only because there never seemed to be any alternative. Then I thought of one and that’s how I met you. Now, I have purpose, meaning, a reason to be something more than just a monster. I’m accountable to you, my actions affect you. It doesn’t matter what I say or where I say it, it only matters if it makes you happy.

“Four years ago today we came across each other. We didn’t understand each other very much, even though we had one glaring thing in common. These four years have been the hardest and the easiest. It was hard to feel powerless during your transformation, while I knew you were in pain. It was hard to see you struggle with your thirst. But it was never hard to love you, Kurt.

“In fact, it’s been a genuine pleasure to have your heart for four years, beating or no. I brought you here, back to the bridge where we met for the first time, because it would be nothing short of a true honour to keep your heart forever, just as long as you’ll keep mine.”

“Edward…”

I smile crookedly, as he jolts up from my lap, head in his hands.

I dig around in my pocket and retract my hand.

I open the box.

“Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, will you do me the extraordinary honour of becoming my husband?”

There are tears in his eyes and I know I’ve done a good job.

I already know what he’s going to say and this isn’t a case of mind reading.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

I take the shimmering diamond ring out of the box while I take his hand with my other one. The ring fits perfectly, of course. Rosalie guessed the size. I’m sort of hopeless with that kind of thing, though I did pick the ring. I just hope he likes it.

“Edward, it’s gorgeous! Alice must’ve picked it.”

I’m smiling beyond belief.

I’m engaged.

Four years ago, I begged for death.

Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man with nothing but happiness ahead of me.

“I’ll have you know I selected it on my own,” I say smugly, beaming with pride.

He makes a small ‘O’ shape with his mouth before my lips cause the formation to change, my hand on the back of his head. Behind my eyelids, four years flash by.

_“Yes, I’ll do it. I’ll come and live with you.”_

_“Maybe life will be easier now that we have each other.”_

_“I’m very glad I met you, too.”_

_“I don’t regret meeting you there if that’s what you’re thinking.”_

_“I won’t give up on this, Kurt, I promise.”_

_“That’s how I know I’ll love you forever, Kurt Hummel.”_

_“Now the end doesn’t seem so near.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I just want you to know how much I care about you.”_

A tear slips down my cold cheek and I’m overwhelmed by how much I love this man. Kurt. My everything.

Kurt’s crying, too. It’s emotional to see, but I know that he’s happy.

“Wedding planning!” He squeaks chirpily.

I roll my eyes playfully. “Do we have to think about that now? We have forever, after all.”

“That means something different every time I say it.”

“How do you mean?”

“I have all the time in the world to make opportunities for myself. To experience everything. I’m so lucky that I have forever to keep loving you, Edward Cullen.”

“I’m the lucky one,” I correct him, kissing his mouth squarely.

“We’re both lucky.”

I blink forcibly a few times, thinking about that.

That’s when I realise…

“Luck had nothing to do with it, Kurt. This was written in the stars and has been until the moment it began. We were always going to find each other, however it happened. Every little thing that has happened since we met has been planned for us. Even the worst parts.”

“Even Sam,” Kurt agreed, melancholia etched all over his face.

“Even Sam.”

“In a strange, twisted way, we have him to think for this. For our forever.”

I nod. It makes sense, even in its most basic form. I kick the wall below me, my feet swinging in time with Kurt’s.

We’re sitting on the very bridge that introduced us, looking out over the water below us, seeing the current take each particle to somewhere completely different with each second. I like to think of our future like that. Different places, different times, the same purpose. Kurt is my life now and I wouldn’t have it another way.

I’m lost in my thoughts until Kurt puts his head on my shoulder.

“You’re using my bridge.”

A laugh escapes my throat, a strange echo to the past swirling around my brain. The words are the same, but the circumstances couldn’t be more different.

I put my arm around his waist, pulling him even closer to me, never wanting to let go ever again.

“Correction: this is our bridge.”

And it is. The bridge represents so many different stages of our life together. Where we met, where I proposed, it even connects us to Sam, who was a major catalyst in our story. I’m not sure where he is and I’d rather not know.

“Edward?” Kurt says after a while of silence.

“Yes, my love?”

He chuckles. “You stole parts of your proposal from TV shows, didn’t you?”

“Guilty as charged. I was hoping you’d spot them tucked away in there.”

“I’m nothing if not thorough.”

“Another of the many reasons why I love you,” I say, kissing his head lightly, careful not to mess up his hair. I may have touching privileges, but not even I could escape the wrath of Kurt with messy hair. Even though I think it looks perfect. I think he always looks perfect.

“What are you thinking about? And you have to tell me, considering you have permanent access to my head.”

“I’m thinking about you and how perfect you are,” I say honestly.

“Liar, no you’re not!”

“I swear, I am. As if anything else even matters.”

He swallows deeply. “I love you.”

I never thought it would be so easy to speak those three words with such depth and clarity. But I do it, I say them. And I mean them.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
